More on E-mail Sign-Offs

Many of my new readers found out about my E-mail Etiquette Web site, NetManners.com, based on an interview I did with the New York Times last weekend on the topic of e-mail sign-offs and their importance.

It seems this is a topic many of you have wondered about! So many requests came in for further clarification, comment and my advice on the topic that I decided to write an entire article on the topic hoping to address all of your concerns.

You can review the article on my site: E-mail Sign-Off Considerations.

HTH and Enjoy!

Understanding Undeliverable E-mails

Part of proper E-mail Etiquette is to understand the technology you are using and to try and make the effort to get the answers you seek before you rely on someone else to do so for you.

An issue I get asked about quite often is in regard to undeliverable or returned e-mails that they receive. 9 out of 10 times when an e-mail is returned the sender assumes that the server is broken or not working. That is an incorrect perception and one that is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to why e-mails can be returned to you.

Why not check out my new article Understanding Undeliverable E-mails?

There is No "I" in Courtesy

Whenever I get e-mails from those who disagree with the concept of E-mail Etiquette, there is always an abundance of "I"s. For example:

"I prefer to..."
"I think it is up to me..."
"I do what I want when..."
"I do it because..."
"Why can't I decide..."

Courtesy and manners is not about you. It is about taking the time to realize the considerations and issues that can affect others. E-mail Etiquette is about using technology with knowledge, understanding and courtesy. Not about what you prefer to do to the exclusion of all else.

What do I say to those whose only excuse to not practice proper E-mail Etiquette is I, I, I? I simply explain that the bottom line is that they can choose to do what they like and disregard established guidelines and common courtesy when it comes to E-mail Etiquette. That is their choice to make and one which will determine how they will be perceived by those they communicate with.

To be always thinking about your manners is not the way to make them good; the very perfection of manners is not to think about yourself.
~ Richard Whately

How Important are E-mail Sign-Offs?

Very! Those you communicate with will be looking at your e-mail in its entirety to determine your overall tone. For example, if you send a rude e-mail and sign-off with "Have a nice day!" then it is clear that your that you intended to be sarcastic and the receipient will learn a bit about the type of person you are. Your sign-off can portray the overall demeanor behind your e-mail.

Most folks stick with the standard:

Best,
Regards,
Sincerely,

But your sign-off need not be standard! Nor does your sign-off have to be a word or phrase above your name to add to your e-mail's overall impression. For example:

HTH! (Hope this helps!)
Have a great day!
Thank you so much!
Talk to you soon! (TTYS)

Your sign-off gives you the opportunity to ensure that the sentiment of your e-mail is clear and not open to interpretation or the recipient's speculation.

Stay Away from Sarcasm in E-mail

Sarcasm in e-mail is very close to being rude or terse. And, if you are not careful, that sarcasm can be amplified by a power of 10! See, based on the situation and the emotions involved, the recipient may very well read into your sarcasm meaning that you did not intend or much more than you intended.

Remember when joking with sarcasm you need to include a ;-) to ensure the other side knows your a kidding. Otherwise, you will be taken seriously. Many who resort to sarcasm forget these 3 little keystrokes that can prevent many a misunderstanding.

In professional communications, sarcasm should be completely avoided. I've yet to see a situation where using sarcasm enhanced a situation. Instead it "rubbed salt in the wounds." There is no place for that in business.

In a personal e-mail, sarcasm can harm relationships and make further communications ineffective. What's the point of using sarcasm but to cause problems and possible hurt feelings?

If you find you are being sarcastic in an e-mail, maybe it's best you wait until the next day to see if you feel the same, or if your sense of humor is something that will be appreciated by the other side.

Tardy with Responses?

Are you tardy in your responses to incoming e-mail? Do you feel overwhelmed with too many e-mails? With business e-mail not replying quickly can cause you to be perceived as lacking customer service. With personal e-mail, it could appear that you are ignoring the Sender. Part of E-mail Etiquette is responding promptly.

I understand how overwhelming it can be. I get over 500 e-mail daily! What I do is make a point of keeping up and replying on a timely basis. That way things don't get backed up which can then very easily become overwhelming. Remember, there is an expectation of a speedy reply with e-mail and not doing so makes it appear that you don't care about those who took the time to e-mail you.

Try to find a system or schedule that works for you so that you can improve in this area as it will be very important to how folks perceive communicating with you as a favorable thing or not.

Why not check out my article on e-mail organization to see if it can help:

10 E-mail Organization Tips

A Little Courtesy Goes a Long Way

I was wacked with the cold of the century last weekend. It was the first time since I started my Technology Consulting business over 10 years ago that I did not at the very least check e-mail on Saturday.

I didn't go near my computer on Saturday or Sunday, the reason being just to have to think seemed too much of a challenge - this cold kicked me in the butt! So, I spent the weekend on the couch with my new best friend a box of tissues.

The reason I make a point of at least checking e-mail on Saturdays is to keep my inbox clear and to address any emergencies (perceived or otherwise) that may have come up. Not doing so this past Saturday left me with over 1,500 e-mails to wade through on Monday morning.

What I soon experienced, once again, was the marked difference in the way folks use e-mail to communicate with those they need assistance from. It seems to be one extreme or another! Either they put the effort into being courteous, friendly and someone you don't mind responding to, or they are terse, demanding and downright rude. Based on my experience with the latter, those folks many times don't realize they are coming off in that manner.

Several who wondered why I had not responded in my usual prompt fashion, offered encouragement that the cold would soon move on and the worst was over. They also sent along their favorite beverage recipes to help keep these annoying symptoms at bay. These folks brought a smile to my face and reminded me of one of the reasons I so enjoy technology. There are so many nice people out there that you will never meet who do not hesitate to send a kind word your way.

Then, there were others sending follow ups insinuating I was ignoring them, that I didn't consider their request important and demanding that I respond immediately! Wow.... I miss e-mail on one Saturday in over 10 years and we jump to these conclusions?

Remember, what our mothers used to say? You attract more bees with honey. One could say, why attract bees since they might sting you - but then that is the risk we take every day in communicating with those we do not know very well don't we? That's where a little E-mail Etiquette comes in!

The way I look at it is I will always respond with courtesy and friendliness by giving the other side the benefit of the doubt. But, when I receive e-mails that are accusatory or based on a false premise, senders shouldn't get their underwear in a bundle when that is pointed out to them in a factual and informative manner.

A little courtesy goes a long way. Please, thank you, appreciate your help all, Is everything O.K.? all lend to you being perceived as though everything isn't all about you. Because, you know what, it isn't.

Time for more cold medicine ...

Nice way to say..."Stop Forwarding!"

What is a nice way of telling someone to stop sending you forwarded emails? You'll see several versions of that questions on my site and here on my Blog. Seems to be a pretty common problem to say the least!

Unfortunately, in my experience and those of many who write to me, no matter how nice you are, it won't be nice enough to not have them get mad or feel as though their efforts were not appreciated. They think they are being thoughtful and by asking them to stop, well... There just doesn't seem to be a "nice" way -- a truthful way, that's another answer.

So to help onliners out, I have my article "5 Rules of Forwarding" that you can send folks to and let me be the bad guy.

You can point them "nicely" to my article and say something to the effect, "I found this site and there is a bunch of good information that I didn't know about E-mail Etiquette. Little did I know I've been breaking so many rules including about forwarding e-mail. Since you forward a lot too, I thought you might be interested as well! ;-)

E-mail Etiquette Resistance

A healthy portion of onliners resist the concept of E-mail Etiquette as though I am sitting here just coming up with rules and regulations that they don't want to have to follow. I get nasty e-mail daily asking who I think I am to "ram this down people's throats" or "who made you queen of the Internet?"

E-mail Etiquette is simply online etiquette or as I explain it with my tag-line:

Using technology with knowledge, understanding and courtesy.

What is so wrong with that? Nothing. We live in a culture that is so busy thinking "all about me" that we don't stop to think of courtesies or considerations for others.

et‧i‧quette – noun

1. conventional requirements as to social behavior; proprieties of conduct as established in any class or community or for any occasion.


2. a prescribed or accepted code of usage in matters of ceremony, as at a court or in official or other formal observances.


3. the code of ethical behavior regarding professional practice or action among the members of a profession in their dealings with each other: medical etiquette.

Whatever you call it, Online Etiquette, Netiquette or E-mail Etiquette, it is simply understanding the technology in which you are participating and to take that knowledge to use technology properly with consideration and courtesy to others.

Those who think E-mail Etiquette can be disregarded, ingnored or trivialized are doing themselves and those they communicate with a disservice.

What Happens When You Assume?

Several times each week someone sends me an e-mail where they are assuming something about me or one of my sites. Some of the assumptions are improperly accusatory while others are based on little to no knowledge in which to base the stated assumption.

Maybe it's me; but I don't assume things about topics I know nothing about. I don't assume to know how my car works just because I drive one--I am not a mechanic. When I go to the Doctor with an ailment, I don't assume what my treatment is--I let the person who is educated in the field, my Doctor, ask the appropriate questions, take the necessary steps to determine what the diagnosis is. Even then, I don't tell him what to prescribe. I'm not a Doctor!

But when it comes to technology, there is no end to those who e-mail Web sites who apparently believe they know what they are typing about enough to tell me what to do about something, to fix this or that, or to scold me about improper practices when in fact the basis for their assumptions is not in any experience or actual knowledge of how technology works.

If I have a concern or I think something is "wrong" I ask a question in a genuinely courteous and curious manner. Not in an accusatory tone; not with the intent that I am trying to point out what the other side in my view doesn't know or understand. I want to understand and find out what's up.

Be very careful when accusing or pointing out what you perceive to be "wrong", "broken" or "not working." First check your settings, clear your cache, reboot your computer, check with your ISP, check your firewall settings, check your spyware settings, check your spam filtering settings. And more importantly unless you have solid experience check your perceptions at the door! What are you basing your accusation on? It had better be in actual experience and knowledge.

With technology there seems to be this perceived level of knowledge that exceeds the actual experience of many users on various topics. I see it all the time. A little experience adding up to a big fat chunk of finger pointing that only reflects how much the "pointer" really doesn't know. But that doesn't stop them as they comfortably hide behind their screens.

In the end it is embarrassing for these folks. Luckily for them I go back in a courteous, factual and informative manner so that they can learn how their assumption indicated how much they really didn't know while actually teaching them something on a topic they thought they knew all about.

The smarties send me an e-mail of thanks for enlightening them. The others, well, they are probably off sending corrective e-mails to other site owners. Some folks have way too much time on their hands.

What about CAPS in the SUBJECT: Field?

E-mail etiquette suggests that full caps should not be used as it gives the impression that you are shouting. Does this apply to the Subject: line?

Of course there are exceptions to every rule, however in general, caps are shouting and if used in the Subject: field can be construed as such ("bringing attention to" by shouting). Or worse yet, you could be misidentified as a spammer because most spammers don't understand the nuances of case.

If you want to bring attention, it would probably be better to structure your Subject: field to include both caps and small case such as:

Subject: FOLLOW UP: Previous E-mail Subject

Subject: REMINDER: Tomorrow's Meeting

Now, one could assume you were shouting if:

Subject: WHERE'S MY ANSWER?

Subject: DID YOU GET MY E-MAIL!!!!!

See, it's all in the words you choose and how you choose to use them that can determine if you will be perceived as yelling.

So it is clear by the first examples that you can use caps to draw attention in the Subject: field without giving a negative perception even before your e-mail is opened.

E-mail Attention Getters

Are you looking for the proper way to address e-mails that may be hot issues or need further assistance (asking for help, needing a response, clarification)?

First let me reiterate that when conversations get "hot", I always recommend that you first wait, preferably until the next morning, before you reply so that you can do so with a cool head.

Back to the topic of addressing e-mail to encourage specific results, what I do is use the Subject: field to help set expectations and the tone for my e-mails. Before the established Subject:, on ongoing conversations I use:

FOLLOW UP:
FYI:
QUESTION:
UPDATE:

You could also use:

PLEASE RESPOND:
RESPONSE REQUIRED:
COMMENTS PLEASE:

You get the idea... This lets the other side know basically why I am replying to that specific subject and what I am looking for. You may also find that those you communicate with appreciate this little "hint" in the Subject: field too!

Advise Expectation of a Reply

If someone expects a reply to an e-mail, should it be stated in the e-mail? And, what about a general e-mail that has been addressed to a large group for informational purposes?

As far as stating you expect a response, not necessarily. When someone takes the time to e-mail another, common courtesy dictates that you respond on a timely basis. To not respond because the sender didn't ask you to, can be perceived as you ignoring the sender and that's just isn't nice.

Now this certainly doesn't apply to spam, forwarded chain letter e-mails or those e-mail that are from folks you don't know.

Responding promptly, even if to just send a "Thank You" helps build relationships and avoid misunderstandings.

As far as informative mass e-mails, I would assume a reply is not expected if it is announcement type e-mail. The exception would be if you have specific issue with something in the e-mail that you feel the sender needs to be aware of. In that case, I would reply directly to the sender--and NOT Reply to All.