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E-mail Etiquette Matters!

At your service,
Judith
NetManners.com

The Truth About "i"

When you want to be taken seriously, you need to communicate as though you care to be taken seriously. When you type "i" when it should be "I" -- you look uneducated and lazy.

What is so hard about capitalizing the letter "i"? When I type about anything where I refer to myself, I capitalize "I". I don't cut corners and try to "save time" by not hitting that shift key. Never has the thought crossed my mind to not use the shift key when appropriate.

Besides proper sentence structure, punctuation and grammar -- capitalizing "I" shouldn't be overlooked or underestimated. Perception is the only reality online and how you type will reflect on you -- good, bad or indifferent. Why not take that one extra step and hit the shift key?

If you have an education -- use it.

E-mail Etiquette = Courtesy

I've been tracking discussions on E-mail Etiquette for over a decade. Just recently the topic has become one of serious discussion now that everyone is writing a book on E-mail Etiquette. That's fine with me! The more legitimacy this topic is given by virtue of those trying to make money off of it -- is good PR as they say.

Me? I've been writing and publishing my books simply to get the word out. I've never considered this my profit-zone. My book sales help support my online costs and allow me to continue to support this important topic, that unlike other authors, I am passionate about, practice what I preach in the process and am not into for the money.

Recently, I've seen a trend of folks striking out against all this talk about e-mail etiquette. From one liner e-mails with no greetings being just fine -- "...e-mail after all is only extended IM." Or, even comments about "...why take the time to type all this ancillary nicey stuff? Just type what you mean and that should be good enough!"

E-mail Etiquette, as does any other form of etiquette, exists as a way to reflect courtesy for others. The day you feel that courtesy is no longer necessary and that only what you want to do or are willing to do is sufficient, is the day that you leave part of your humanity behind.

There is nothing wrong with taking the time to use technology properly and to ensure that your actions are perceived positively by the other side. To reflect courtesy for those you communicate with, to me, is time well spent.

E-mail Organization Tips

With all the e-mail we get hourly into our inboxes it is now imperative that you have a system in place that you stick to so as to allow your e-mails and your e-mail activities to remain organized.

Mostly, keeping on top of incoming e-mail and filing them to their appropriate folder or simply trashing/deleting them are the top two things you need to do continually with consistency to keep in front of what seems like an increasing number of messages landing in your inbox. Much of your ability to organize your e-mail is plain old discipline!

Check out my article on E-mail Organization Tips to see how I keep the over 500 e-mails that land in my inbox each day from becoming an organizational nightmare.

Is E-mail Too Easy?

A concerned site visitor comments:

"Do we overuse e-mail as a communication medium? In many instances, e-mail is the "easy approach" but not necessarily the best approach."

Yes we are. Many have chosen to take the lazy, easy way out and not pick up the old fashioned telephone or have an in-person meeting when that is what is called for or best for the situation at hand.

E-mail is too easy. Hit a few keys and off your e-mail goes. A healthy portion of those using e-mail still do not even make the minor efforts necessary to communicate with clarity or even use e-mail properly!

I get contacted by those who get notifications of a relatives death by e-mail, Dear John letters, as well as e-mails filled with vitriol and insults all by folks who chicken out by using e-mail rather the choosing the phone or meeting in person.

E-mail is a tool. Whether for business or personal use, it is all up to each individual's discretion and business savvy to know when and how to use it properly.

For personal use, everyone knows darned well when it is best to pick up the phone and have a intimate conversation in lieu of sending an e-mail.

Those who truly understand business will not fall into the e-mail everything trap. While those who choose the path of least resistance will not be as successful at nurturing business relationships and partnerships.

Your gut knows what is right; listen to it!

No Response Considerations

In a little over a decade we can't live without our e-mail. And to think a mere 12 years ago when I was all excited about CompuServe and opened my little Internet Studio on the IL/WI border, everyone thought I was nuts!

Fast forward to now and we want it now! E-mail should be in the inbox of the recipient within moments after we click the Send button. Those we send to should stop the presses and any other responsibilities they may have and answer our e-mails now. Not later, not in an hour, NOW!

Our expectations have become unrealistic. There will be times when e-mail takes longer to get to the other side due to unknown network or geographical issues. And, believe it or not, not everyone you e-mail is sitting in front of their computers 24/7 waiting for your e-mail so they can respond. I know it is hard to believe, but it's true.

Before assuming someone is ignoring you or not responding as fast as you believe they should, here are some issues you should consider:

1. Was there anything spammy in your e-mail that may have caused it to be blocked? This happens all the time with all the spyware, adware and spam filtering going on. Check out my article: How To Avoid Looking Spammy
   
   
2. Keep in mind that folks have other responsibilities and may be away from the computer. Rare are those that provide instant responses or who are online all the time when your e-mails come through. If something is that important that it can't wait for you to do an e-mail follow up the next day, pick up the old fashioned telephone.
   
   
3. Computer and software crashes happen all the time deleting files and e-mails. When following up the next day, ask if your e-mail was received and ask politely when you can expect a response before assuming you are being ignored.

The above issues require you think about the other side -- not just that you sent an e-mail that you want a response to now. Keep your expectations in check!

Blackberry Etiquette?

Is Blackberry Etiquette any different than E-mail Etiquette? Nope. However, for some reason I get e-mails daily asking about Blackberry Etiquette as though by virtue of the device, courtesy doesn't apply. Mainly the checking and responding to e-mails while in a meeting.

If you think about it, Etiquette in general is just a way to behave when taking into consideration how your actions (or lack thereof) could have an affect on others. Technology use, whether it be e-mail, Blackberrys, IMs or even cell phones does not mean you do what you want, how you want or when you want without consideration for proper practices and for others. Sadly, all too many think that with technology anything goes. Wrong.

Regardless of what tool you are using, you simply need to be aware of how to use it properly with consideration for others. This means not answering e-mails on your Blackberry when in a meeting. Or talking loudly on your cell phone where others are privy to your conversation whether they like it or not (movies, restaurants, etc.). Or sending/forwarding e-mails exposing all your contact's addresses to strangers.

To hide behind technology as an excuse to not be courteous because the other side isn't there for you to be accountable to, is self-serving at best. To reply to e-mails on your Blackberry while in a meeting clearly reflects your lack of business savvy and professionalism. Your full attention should be on the meeting.

Courtesy and perception go hand in hand. Without courtesy, the perceptions you leave in your wake will tell people exactly what they need to know about you -- and it probably won't be positive.

E-mails Should Not be Manifestos

E-mail is not the venue for rambling random thoughts, your latest tirade or manifesto about whatever your brain sparks at the moment -- save that for your Blog. Long e-mails, especially those without paragraph breaks every several sentences don't get read. They get scanned. I've even caught myself scanning instead of reading when I am pressed for time.

That is why bullet points are your friends. Visually they don't look like too much to tackle and subconsciously the recipient thinks they can acquire your points in little tid-bits so they are more likely to read your e-mail in its entirety.

=> Use brief and succinct bullet points when covering numerous thoughts or issues so they have a better chance to be absorbed and applied/replied to.

=> No need to code HTML bullet points use => or * to separate your points.

=> If you find a topic requires more coverage or priority, have that topic be in its own e-mail so that it is not lost amongst the numerous other issues.

=> If you find that your topic is very detailed, create a document in PDF and send that along as an attachment. This gives the other side the ability to review that topic when they have time and to file/print it for later review.

Here again, you need to think of the best approach to ensure the other side reads, reviews and absorbs your information -- especially if their reply is required. Forget about all the blah, blah, blah you feel you need to get across and pair your e-mails down to only clear and concise points.

Top 3 E-mail Attachment Considerations

Many onliners do not realize the very important issues they need to consider before sending attachments via e-mail. Here are the Top 3 issues to think about when sending e-mail attachments:

1. File Size: Before sending any files, take the time to determine their size. Anything over 300K (300,000 bytes) should be compressed or "zipped" up. Multiple attachments add up very quickly and could shut down the other side's server or fill their inbox causing subsequent e-mail to bounce! Photographs should always be reduced to no larger than 600 pixels in width before sending. If you don't know how -- learn!
   
   
2. Attachment Format: You'll never go wrong if your send your documents in PDF format. PDFs are not operating system or software specific and the reader is now installed on most computers and is a free download. Those who do not have Word or Excel software, just as an example, would not be able to open files in those formats. Again, asking first what format the other side prefers can avoid you sending files they will be unable to open.
   
   
3. Ask First: Before sending any attachments, always ask the other side first when would be the best time to do so. Then be sure to send at that prearranged time. For business attachments, never send unannounced attachments after business hours when the other side may not be there to keep their inbox clear.

Just like anything online, thinking about how your actions can affect those you communicate with will go along way towards being perceived as tech savvy and a pleasure to communicate with!

E-mail "Gunfights"

Gunfights usually end when there is only one person left standing. Unfortunately, it seems this also applies to e-mail gunfights. You know what I am talking about. E-mail differences of opinion or misunderstandings lead to ongoing back-and-forths that escalate in emotion and nastiness each time the Reply button is hit.

Much of this type of interaction has to do with the personalities involved. I've found the negative traits of having to always be right or get in the last word tend to prevail in the bloodiest of gunfights.

When you find yourself in the beginnings of a gunfight -- wait until the next day to reply -- if at all. Hopefully you are not one of those with a narcissistic personality that commands you make your point and be the one with the last word.

If I find myself communicating with such personalities, I "kill" them with kindness. If the gunslinger on the other side just has to come back with more vitriol or nonsense to simply get in the last word, I let them. My ego is not wrapped up in proving I am right to those without an open mind nor do I have the innate need to get in the last word so that I have some sort of feeling of accomplishment.

Always take the higher ground and realize there are good guys and bad guys in every gunfight. Choose to be the guy wearing the white hat.

Old Flames & E-mail Etiquette

A concerned site visitor writes:

To make a long story short, an old boyfriend found me on the Internet. He is married but not happily (so he says), I am widowed. He arranged for me to meet him at a resort, paying for everything including my airfare. We parted only to get deeply involved with each other after 40+ years. Now for 2 weeks I have not heard from him and am wondering what to do. Emails are going unanswered. In one of his emails, he had his neighbors email address and now I wonder if it would be appropriate to email them and ask about him. They do not know of our involvement and I plan to keep it that way. It's the not knowing that is making me feel sad as if a member of my family has died. Please advise if it's proper netiquette to contact these neighbors?

Yikes.... This really isn't about e-mail etiquette, it's more about having discretion and using common sense. As an adult that's the risk you took getting involved with a married man--regardless of how unhappy (so he says) he is.

No it is not appropriate to contact the neighbors. They did not give you their e-mail address to get involved in your affair and that's what you would be doing. This is your situation to resolve in another way. The fact he is using another person's address is a big red flag!

Regardless of the emotions involved, until he is a free man consider your trip one of life's adventures (or mistakes) that you now have to leave behind you. Chalk this one up to experience!

Monday's E-mail Mewl: Asking Before Looking

This mewl will be shared by those who have numerous Web Sites they need to keep on top of. Even if you have only one Web Site you still must deal with the volume of e-mail generated by your site. This means weeding through them, responding to them, filing them and responding to the responses.

If you are online for commercial gain, it is important that you respond to site e-mails in a prompt and courteous manner. That said, what many site visitors do not realize is that by virtue of how they e-mail a Web site will indicate the type of customer they will be. Many unfortunately in their initial contact come of as demanding, terse and lazy.

Many sites have a F.A.Q. = Frequently Asked Questions. How do you think you are perceived when you type a demanding e-mail for information readily available on the site owners F.A.Q.? My sites for example are clearly by me. Judith. My consulting site has my anime-me picture on every page. How do you think site visitors are perceived when I receive e-mails that start with Dear Sir?

Successful sites and businesses have their hands full taking care of profitable customers. You want to give the impression that you are going to be one of those. Not someone who feels their time is more valuable than the site owner's by expecting them to repeat what is on their site.

Before e-mailing any site, make sure the information you seek is not already included for your convenience. Then, if after a reasonable effort you do not find the information you seek, contact the site owner with courtesy and appreciation. You may find you get a faster and more detailed response with this approach.

There is No Me in E-mail [MeMail?]

I recently did a T.V. interview in regard to "MeMail." This is a relatively new term I've only seen used once but it made allot of sense. MeMail is all about the sender. Their views, their photos, their discretion, their personality. In addition, the term MeMail notes factually that the majority of senders do not consider the other side. They are just thinking of "Me" and what they want to do at that moment in time.

The issues that MeMailers don't think about are mostly due to the fact they are not honestly aware of how their lack of knowledge can possibly affect the other side. Or how their actions (or lack thereof) may cause a negative perception.

Unfortunately, when faced with these facts, many a MeMailer I've run into have a visceral response to having these issues pointed out to them (the old misnomer "online is a free-for-all" I can do whatever I want). MeMailers simply do not care to alter what they want to do out of courtesy for the other side or to leave a positive impression.

Here are the top 5 things that can identify a chronic "MeMailer":

1. They include signature files that have religious or political commentary without thought as to whether the recipient is of like mind. In business e-mail this could be the kiss of death.
2. They embed graphics in their e-mail that are either too large, too controversial or simply too personal.
3. MeMailers attach numerous large attachments to an e-mail without considering whether the recipient's e-mail box may get filled and start bouncing other e-mails. The thought never crosses their mind that the other side may have no interest in their attachments.
4. MeMailers blurt out their demands or questions without first typing a courteous greeting. They also don't think to add a "Thank You!" in their closing that includes their name typed properly.
5. Spammers -- large and small alike -- are the biggest MeMailers of all. They cram their propaganda into your inbox or through your Web site form without consideration as to your interest or resources. Those who send any sort of commercial e-mails to those who did not specifically ask for them should be the last on your list to do business with!

Yes, you can certainly do whatever it is you want in your e-mail. But when doing so without thought or discretion as to whether the other side will appreciate your "style", you will risk a negative perception that indicates you only think of yourself. Not cool.

Are you a MeMailer?

Lightening Fast E-mail Replies?

Many believe that e-mail is instantaneous. Depending on the current network status many times e-mail is pretty darned quick. But there will be times, due to network traffic or geographic issues that will cause e-mail to take several hours or more to get to the other side.

Regardless of how speedy that e-mail is received by those you send to, that doesn't mean they are required to drop all their other responsibilities and immediately respond to your e-mail. They may not even be online or in front of the computer checking e-mail to know you've sent them a message!

Senders have to realize that to expect an immediate response, and then when you don't receive one, to send a follow-up e-mail 30 minutes later is overly demanding. Yes, everyone should do their very best to respond to their e-mails as promptly as possible. However, with the expectation of instant receipt, to have an expectation of an immediate response is unrealistic.

Sometimes folks are busy. They have other responsibilities and activities that require their full attention. They may be in a meeting, out of the office, trying to meet previous deadlines or commitments.

So, reflect some courtesy to those you send to and give them the time to respond. As a general rule of thumb you should not send a follow-up any earlier than 24 hours since you sent your first message. And if you can't wait 24 hours, then e-mail is not the appropriate venue for your requests. If a matter is that urgent, pick up the old fashioned telephone and give them a jingle.

Dating Web Site E-mail Etiquette?

I thought I would share with you a conversation I had with a Web site visitor who was sick and tired of the lack of etiquette on Dating Web sites:

I have a pet peeve. I belong to several online Web dating sites. I should say that I am a 61-year-old woman, though a very young 61-year-old! I think I am quite attractive, intelligent, and accomplished.

With online dating sites, folks don't feel the need to be courteous because there are no repercussions or accountability for not doing so.

Often when I contact a man whose profile I like, he doesn't even bother to answer. I try at least to send a short polite "No, thank you." when someone contacts me and I'm not interested and some men do this too, but more often than not, they just don't bother to write back.

Well, unfortunately, you are more courteous that most.

It really annoys me and seems insulting and rude.

It is rude--to not respond to an inquiry or the fact someone showed interest in you is very selfish and rude. If one is listed on such sites to encourgage contacts, they should at the very least offer the common courtesy of a response.

After all, if someone introduced us (out in the real world), the guy would show some semblance of politeness. On occasion, I've contacted the guy a second time and expressed my disappointment in their not answering, and usually, when prodded, they do write something. Am I crazy to expect a reply?

No you are not crazy!! Don't make this about you--it is about them! Many people hide behind these screens because they know you can't see them and that they are not be held accountable for their actions. It isn't you--it is the other side that doesn't know how to behave properly. Instead look at it from a positive POV; you found out they lack common courtesy even before you wasted another moment.

Some dating sites have "canned" short, polite answers you can use if you don't want to write a personal "No thanks." What is the official word on this?

The official word is you always provide a courteous response when someone e-mails you. That is just the right thing to do.

Thanks for any insights you can shed on this dilemma! I really appreciate it and want to know what I can do about it if anything.

There is nothing you can do but to continue being you. We can't control other's behavior and I would look at it that if they didn't respond they probably are not the type of guy who shares your beliefs on how to treat others anyway.

If they don't respond, fine. They are the ones loosing out on someone who has manners and courtesy--which are rare commodities in this day and age where we live in a culture of "me, me, everything is about me." I know it is easier said than done but don't take it personally. These are "men" who don't have the intestinal fortitude to at the very least show a lady some courtesy. So who needs them?!

Selling Other's Comments?

A site visitor asks:

What if someone takes your written words from various blogs, puts them in a book and adds defaming comments of their own and then SELLS the book? I, along with a number of friends and acquaintances, have had this done to us by one person. Do we have any recourse?

As I state on in my article about Online Copyright Issues, anything you write you own the copyright to and that person, if they had any e-ethics should have contacted you for your permission to include your writings in their book.

They can make any comments they like defaming or otherwise--that isn't really the issue--everyone can have an opinion. The issue is using your content that you wrote in a book that they are commercially gaining from without your permission.

At this point your only recourse would be to bring legal action against the party in question and that can get very expensive fast. Another option, would be to check where their Web site is hosted and then review their hosting company's DMCA (also noted in the above article) clause and make them aware that the book they are selling is infringing on your copyright by including your posts without your permission.

Daily Signature Files Use

This is a topic onliners struggle with. When to use a signature file, what should it say, and how do you determine the best use of your signature file.

One issue in particular that has come up lately, is using your info-packed "ego-sig" signature file on every single e-mail you send. Not necessary!! If I am e-mailing back and forth with you I really don't need to see that at the bottom of every response. Switch to a more basic sig file after the first couple of back and forths.

Also, for those who already have your information or for friend and family members -- no need to include all that blah-blah-blah about you anyway. What you do is have different signature files for different situations. I've lost count of the number of signature files I have! I name each for the specific way I desire to sign-off in any given situation. Did you catch that? Sign-off?

Yep! You can include your sign-off and your name in your signature file! That way you only have to be concerned about the content of your e-mail then all you have to do is choose which sig file you want to display.

For friends and family, mine is just Love, and my name. Then, I have a bunch of various business sigs depending on whom I am e-mailing, why, the level of formality I want to set or what promo I have going at the time. The more sigs the better!

Forwarding business associates who know you an e-mail with your ego-sig at the top without comment as to why you are forwarding is plain old lazy. Talk about reflecting a lack of tech savvy -- or is it your title you are bragging about? Neither perception is a good one. Take the time to write a comment about why you are forwarding and have your signature follow -- an abbreviated version for those who you e-mail on a daily basis will do just fine.

Be sure to review my article: Dos and Don'ts of Signature Files

E-mail Requires Your Full Attention!

This morning I was on KDKA News Radio in Pittsburgh discussing the forwarding of e-mails. I do these type of interviews several times each week and have a blast doing them.

This interview in particular was initiated due to a big hullabaloo out there about one of the Pittsburgh Steelers coaches who "inadvertently forwarded an e-mail containing pornographic material to the league's 'All General Managers' e-mail distribution list. This e-mail was sent to him from Steelers personnel director and then he sent it, to "multiple high-level team employees and their secretaries'."

Forwarded by the Personnel Director? Yikes! Sounds like the Steelers need to get an e-mail policy in place and have a sit down with all their personnel -- the director being the first -- so everyone is aware of the guidelines and what is expected of them.

Needless to say this coach is in some major hot water -- there are even calls for him to be fired. One of the first questions I was asked today was how could he have prevented this? How can he see who is on the list he is sending to?

It can be prevented by paying attention to what buttons you click! As far as who is on this list -- that is programmed into his e-mail software and he can view the list, if he knew how or was so inclined. Once again we have someone on business time, using business resources sending questionable e-mails and worse yet, not paying attention to what they are doing.

Believe it or not this happens quite often. People in a hurry click a button then Send to only realize their commentary went not to the intended party but to someone else. Usually someone they didn't want to view that particular e-mail's contents.

When it comes to forwarding e-mail -- just stop! Everyone just stop!! If you can't take the time to write a personal comment as to why you are forwarding to the specific person you are forwarding to, don't waste their time or yours. No more sending to lists of contacts who didn't ask to be on your "forward to everyone you know" list.

If you are a habitual forwarder or know one, two or ten, stop now and read this article and use the Send feature in the top right hand corner to notify others with this uncontrollable behavior to do the same. Read my article 5 Rules of Forwarding E-mails.

Slow down, take your time and for goodness sake pay attention to which buttons you click. Review the To: field, BCc: and Cc: fields to ensure you are sending to who you intend. Then, and only then, should you click Send. If you don't, I hope you love the taste of humble pie.

E-mail Not the Place to be Incognito

When it comes to forums or message boards, even other areas of the Internet where one can communicate with others, using a nick-name or "handle" is accepted practice. Many times these nick-names reflect your hobby or interests. In these venues that is just fine.

E-mail is not the place to use a nick-name or handle or to hide your true identity. The From: field of every e-mail you send should clearly reflect your proper name: John A. Doe or John Doe. Just using your first name, in the case of John can make those you communicate with have to determine "which" John you may be. J. Doe -- you could use that, but it is a bit formal. j doe, john doe or j a doe -- all small caps; not acceptable either (unless you are a gradeschooler). The From: field should reflect your full name in proper case.

Using a pseudonym, nick-name or handle in e-mail makes one wonder why you don't want to be identified; what is it that you are trying to hide? Not to mention that you could very easily be mistaken as a spammer and deleted. There simply is no good reason to hide your identity in e-mails.

But wait, I was just told otherwise the other day...

The excuse that was recently provided for this practice was that using their real name in the From: field "caused me much grief as my computer was sending viruses to my numerous contacts." What?

You deserved the grief if you were not properly protecting your computer and those you communicate with by using a virus program and keeping it updated. So now you hide your identity so that when you make mistakes people don't know who you are? If you make a mistake be "man enough" to take your comeuppance.

I've yet to receive an valid excuse as to why one should not want to use their full and proper name in the From: field. That is unless you do have something to hide -- and that's exactly what everyone will presume!

Monday E-mail Mewls

It's typical of Mondays. Folks don't seem to be in a good mood compounded by the fact that they have to deal with all the e-mail that came in over the weekend. Monday is the day I get a ton of e-mails from frustrated Netizens asking for confirmation about their aggravation factor due to this or that in e-mails that they have to deal with today.

So, Mondays here at E-mail Etiquette Matters we will now be called "Monday E-mail Mewls." Complain, vent, whine, gripe -- whatever makes you feel good! As long as it is e-mail etiquette related, get it off your chest! Let others know they are not alone.

Each week on Monday, I'll post my pet peeve that got under my skin based on the e-mail I had to weed through from the weekend past.

This week's Monday E-mail Mewl is about those who just dash off one question e-mails without any greeting or sentence structure let alone a courteous closing. They want an answer on the weekend... in fact practically demand it but can't include a greeting, communicate with clarity or even thank me in advance. Certainly not the way to encourage a response from me during my off-hours!

Got an e-mail pet peeve or gripe from this past weekend's batch of communications? Let's hear about it!