That's Not What I Meant?

As happens on quite a regular basis, I responded to an e-mail that was sent to me that had some accusations and comments, that, based on knowing this person for over a decade were a bit disappointing. And that's the word I used when I e-mailed back my response - disappointing.

These comments were in regard to how I run my business and were clearly not based in any reality or past actions to warrant concern. I understand that we live in a world where you need to be on the offense and that many businesses, especially in technology, may not be as trustworthy or reliable.

But that's not me. I ooze ethics and integrity. I answered each comment point by point -- factually and unemotionally. Their response? No apology -- "they didn't intent to hurt my feelings." My "feelings" were not hurt nor did I say so, I simply stated I was disappointed that after all these years they felt the need to type to me in the manner they did. Truth be told -- I was insulted.

This person's "clarification" was how the original e-mail could have been typed if they took the time to be thoughtful and considerate. Insulting me could have been avoided -- easily.

"It was not meant to be personal, so please do not take it that way." When you question my ethics or integrity without any reason or past experience to do so it is personal -- very personal!

This is typical of people who just type what they want to know without taking a moment to review if their questions/challenges are apropos or even accurate. You can't say "it was not meant" or that "didn't mean to" if you typed it!

In this case, this client was playing boss with me. If they would have taken a moment to review previous e-mail conversations and think about our decade long relationship, they certainly wouldn't have sent the e-mail they did. But they weren't thinking. Nor are they apologizing. They knew what they "meant" regardless of what they typed, and I too should know that by osmosis!

The moral of the story? You are what you type; you are the words you choose to use. Know that what you type will be taken at it's face value by the other side -- they will take you at your word(s).