Assuming Gender in E-mail

Well, you know what happens when you assume?

I am always talking about not assuming when it comes to an e-mail. Assuming never leads to anything positive. If you are unsure; ask.

In the global environment in which we all are now playing, to assume if someone is male or female can cause you to not make a very good impression.

A site visitor writes:

"My name is Nikita. It's a typical Russian male name, but when I send e-mails to other countries, people got some problems with identifying my gender when looking at my sig. As a result, in response I got the messages starting with "dear ms. Nikita" Can I put "mr" somewhere in the sig to avoid misunderstanding?"

I actually get that too! From people who do not take the time to read my site to know I am a female or those from other cultures that don't know my name is one only used by females (that I know of). So I get e-mails addressed to Mr. on a regular basis. I wouldn't let it bother you too much.

I think in your case, people may relate that name to a popular TV show where the lead female was named Nikita. I have to admit I might have found myself making the same mistake. Now, thanks to you I'll be more careful with names I am not sure about.

Putting a Mr. in your sig file is just fine. However, that may make you appear more formal than you may prefer. If you are a formal guy -- that's O.K. then. ;-) I think you have a unique and cool name and if someone misidentifies your gender, simply and kindly sent them straight.

If you are unclear of an e-mailers, gender, don't assume. If it is important to know, then ask. Now that I think about it, I e-mail folks with gender neutral names (Pat, Chris, Kerry, Robyn, Frances, Kylie, Sam, Joe, Bernie) all the time and have never thought of their gender in how I communicate with them. An issue for all of us to be cognisant about!

E-mail & Bandwidth

Several of my e-mail buddies across the globe have recently brought up the topic of e-mail and bandwidth. Is it an issue? To some, yes!

Now that technology seems to feel as though it has been part of our lives forever, there are still folks relegated to dial-up accounts. For example, when I left the rat race over one year ago and left congested crazy Chicago where I was born and moved to rural Mississippi, there is nothing but dial-up! No DSL; no cable. You have no choice but to use dial-up or pay the expense of having satellite ("broadband" with chronic latency) installed -- and that isn't cheap!

Keep in mind when you format your e-mails that adds to the download time. Background graphics, moving thing-a-ma-jigs, embedded photos can all add to the weight of your e-mail and take longer to view for those of us who live outside metropolitan areas and who still do not have a choice for our connectivity.

This also includes attaching numerous photos without notice or consideration to their size. If you attach photos, make sure they are no larger than 500 pixels in width and attach no more than a few at a time. Those of us on less than broadband will appreciate your efforts and thoughtfulness!

If You Wouldn't Say It To Their Face...

Amazing how bold onliners are while safely hiding behind these screens! The lack of face-to-face contact makes them bolder than they normally would be allowing them to type in a manner in which they wouldn't dare speak.

Ask a question they don't like -- they can safely ignore you. Point out a fact that may not be in line with their agenda and that too gets overlooked while they type back with venom and vigor. Selective replies abound.

This doesn't include those who cannot communicate without throwing in profanities. We all know what kind of person resorts to using that type of language to make their pont (it shows they don't have one) and we already know not to take them seriously. We'll let their choice of verbiage speak for itself.

What I am referring to here today is the onliners who type in a rude and curt manner. They make demands or accusations based on no facts or basis in reality simply because they can. 9 out of 10 times when I run into someone who communicates in this manner you can bet they have no intention of paying attention to what I have to type. Their sole motive and goal for the moment is to be nasty and demanding. Who cares what the facts are! Who cares if what they perceive to be true isn't!

If you want to be taken seriously, always make sure that you are clear, that you state facts, that you make the effort to type in such a manner that you won't be misunderstood. This includes full sentences, proper grammar and spelling as well a standard greeting and closing. If you can't take the time to communicate like an educated human being, take a deep breath, wait until the next day -- or better yet don't e-mail at all.

And most importantly, if you wouldn't say it their face -- don't type it in an e-mail. Doing so will only make you look like an uneducated inconsiderate bully.

E-mail Newbies

First, let's show the official definition of what a Newbie is:

new·bie /ˈnubi, ˈnyu‑/ [noo-bee, nyoo‑]
–noun
a newcomer or novice, esp. an inexperienced user of the Internet or of computers in general.
[Origin: 1965–70, Americanism; perh. newb(orn) + -ie]

Back in the late 1980s or even in the 1990s, Newbies were everywhere. Even I was an Internet Newbie at one point in time! It's true! ;-)

Each of us goes through our Newbie phase. That said, at some point you are no longer a Newbie. That is if you are open to learning and embrace the information necessary to use the technology in which you are participating.

Newbie is not a permanent label nor should it be. Part of technology is that you will always be learning new due to things evolving constantly. But that doesn't mean you remain stagnant and don't learn the basics of how and why in regard to using technology properly.

I run into E-mail Newbies all the time and am here to help. But if a Newbie e-mails me about one thing and their e-mail includes numerous other E-mail Etiquette faux pas -- I will kindly point that out to them so they can learn and leave Newbieville.

We all should be patient with the Newbies in our lives. But we should all also do them a favor by pointing out the information and issues they need to be aware of and practice so that they can look forward to a more enjoyable and productive online experience.

E-mail Etiquette is just on of those issues.

Colored Replies

There are those that feel they need to reply to my e-mails in a different color text than the standard black the I use for all e-mails. I guess they assume I wouldn't know it was their reply/comment without them doing so.

There really is no problem in doing that. Nor is doing so really an E-mail Etiquette faux pas. However, I thought I would bring this up because I do get e-mails through NetManners.com quite regularly asking me about why folks do this. Why am I being asked? Because the onliners who receive those e-mails don't like it. It really bugs them! Either the color choice is annoying or it simply gets under their skin.

I know when I receive those type of replies, I do catch myself wondering why the sender felt the need to do so. If you down-edit properly and are a clear communicator, I don't need your text in a different color as though I wouldn't know otherwise. Maybe the folks who reply in this manner do so because it helps them to reply with more clarity?

I would be curious to know what other onliner's think about his practice. I've receive more e-mails from folks who do not like this practice than those who see a need for it. Is replying in a different color text to e-mails sent to you something you do and why? When onliner's reply to your e-mails in a different colored text, what do you think?

Reply here, or e-mail me through my site. What says you?

Meeting Friend's Expectations

Do you have friends who expect you to respond to their e-mails in seconds? Or how about being available at all times for IM chats? Then, when you explain why you didn't respond or were not available to chat -- hurt feelings come into play.

Why feel bad or become embarrassed simply because one had incorrect expectations of someone else's time? Why not just apologize or say "I understand" and move on without getting upset?

Yes, E-mail Etiquette dictates that you respond promptly to your incoming e-mails. However, practically that isn't always possible. We all need to understand that we cannot have expectations of what other's should do or when they should be available for us.

E-mail may be virtually instantaneous, but people are not. You know, there is this entire other off-line world filled with responsibilities and activities that take folks away from their monitors every once and awhile!

If your friend's expectations are out of line with your life. That is not your fault. All too often now-a-days folks only think of themselves and not the other person (you) on the other side of the screen. So let them know in a kind and gentle tone that they are important but that you simply cannot be available at all times.

It's nothing to be mad, embarrassed or upset about. Understanding what our friend's lives entail, not just what we need at any given moment, is part of being a good friend.

E-mail & Web Copyright

Even though the Internet/Web is publicly accessible, contrary to popular assumption this is not a "public domain" environment. I've had many clients over the years who I have worked that have tried to use photos and text from other sites using the excuse "public domain" -- wrong.

Too many also believe that it is O.K. to post private e-mails publicly or to take other's writings and mass mail them -- wrong again. If you use anyone's work whether it be graphic, text or files in your e-mails or otherwise, you need to ask their permission to do so. Copyright is in place upon creation. For example, this post is copyrighted to me because I am the author/creator.

I don't mind if onliners use my works, articles or contents of my site as long as they ask and give the proper references when they do. Even with my Free Weekly E-mail Etiquette eTips, which I created specifically because folks ask for easy content for their company newsletters, credit must be given where due.

As far as the dissemination of private e-mails -- that is simply rude. Besides the lack of ethics that forwarding or making public an e-mail that was sent to you privately will imply, here again, copyright is in full force.

You don't use, forward or copy anything created by someone else without their permission to do so. Check out my article on the topic:

Online Copyright Myths

Expectation of a Reply

A NetManners.com site visitor writes:

"If someone expects a reply to an email, should it be stated in the email? And, what about a general informative email that has been addressed to a large group for informational purposes?"

As far as stating you expect a response, not necessarily. When someone takes the time to e-mail another, common courtesy dictates that you respond on a timely basis. To not respond because the sender didn't ask you to, can be perceived as you ignoring the sender.

Now this certainly doesn't apply to spam, forwarded chain letter e-mails or those e-mail that are from folks you don't know.

Responding promptly, even if to just send a "Thank You" helps build relationships and avoid misunderstandings.

As far as informative mass e-mails, I would assume a reply is not expected if it is announcement type e-mail. The exception would be if you have specific issue with something in the e-mail that you feel the sender needs to be aware of. In that case, I would reply directly to the sender--and NOT Reply to All.

Don't Spam Addresses in the To: Field!

Many think that by having all their contact's e-mail addresses displayed in the To: field (particularly folks who do not know each other) is no big deal.

One of the top questions that I get asked about almost on a daily basis is if it is "O.K." to e-mail those addresses in the To: field about a new business or commercial enterprise. The answer is a resounding NO! Can you say Spam?

Even if you are simply responding to a controversial or emotional topic that you were included on by having your e-mail address included in the To: field, (stay away from that Reply to All button) doesn't mean that those who don't know you want to hear your opinion.

It's simple... If you don't know the person behind the e-mail address, you don't e-mail them. If you are going to e-mail anyone, you e-mail the original sender who breached their contact's privacy by exposing them to strangers. Rather than put everyone in the To: field they should have all been listed in the BCc: field.

So it is clear, this isn't an issue of time or being lazy. It is a matter of understanding the technology that you are using to treat those who trust you with their e-mail address with consideration for their privacy.

And, don't be surprised if those irresponsible forwarders get nasty or turn into their evil-twin because you try to point out the errs of their ways. Simply send them to this article on my site:

Irresponsible E-mail Forwarders Exposed!

E-mail Etiquette is Officially "Easy"!

Over the past decade running NetManners.com my E-mail Etiquette Web site, almost on a daily basis I received requests from folks who wanted an easy way of learning the basics of E-mail Etiquette.

I was told that my first book Because Netiquette Matters! while including E-mail Etiquette did also cover some technology gobbly-gook some were not interested in. So, I created my $7 Downloadable Tutorial to start. This eBook also offers you a way to recoup that $7, and promote my eBook and keep the $7 fee for every person you send my way who also purchases the tutorial. Cool, huh?

But the inquiries kept coming in. Onliners wanted a book they could hold, read off-line, give to friends or family members that covered just the basics in a simple easy to read format. You know what they say -- ask and you shall receive!

My new book "E-mail Etiquette Made Easy!" is now available through the publisher and in the next several weeks it will also be available through all online booksellers. You have the opportunity to now purchase your copy (only $14.95) before it is offered to the masses. It doesn't get any easier than this!

Take Responsibility for Your Children

This week I had the occasion to have a back-n-forth via e-mail with a mother who no matter what I typed, would not take responsibility for her child's actions online. Her son had ordered an eBook from my online store @ LearnAndThrive.com. He asked to use her credit card and she allowed him to. That's not the problem.

The problem is that the child didn't realize he was ordering a downloadable only eBook. Even though above the "Add to Cart" button in bold red letters was DOWNLOADABLE ONLY PRODUCT and the word "eBooK" was mentioned 7 times in the description of the product. Now that they had purchased the eBook, the child didn't know what to do and "thought he would get something in the mail."

When I explained it was an eBook, I was told:

"My son wrote you and did this his self he is 16 years old and was probably unaware to read the lines that most adults would read."

The line he was to read was the very first, top of the page -- couldn't miss it.

"This is not a hard-copy book. This eBook is a digital product available for your download upon completion of your purchase. If you want a hard-copy, simply print it on your computer.

When this was pointed out, her reply:

My son does everything on impulse and never reads anything.

Parental units need to be aware of what their children are doing online -- especially with their credit cards. And, when their children purchase things they don't know what to do with because they didn't read, don't make it the retailers problem with the type of excuses mentioned here. You also will be taken more seriously if you use proper grammar and spell check too.

How can you blame the Internet when you are not even monitoring or checking your child's activities? Ignorance is no excuse when you are a parent. It is the parent's problem when their children do things without understanding online. No one elses. That is why it is best that all computers be in an open area of the house where parent's can keep an eye on their children's activities and be there to answer questions.

Every parent should read my article Cyber Parenting 101 - and parent!

Stop, Reread and Think Before You Send

Twice this week I've had onliners send accusatory e-mails because they did not take the time to read my previous correspondence. In both cases, my e-mails were very clear. The accusations were born because the other side obviously did not take the time to read my e-mail (or previous e-mails on the same topic) in their entirety.

Yes, I know... We are all in a hurry. Too busy to get anything done. Not enough time in the day! But when you don't take the time to read, really read, the e-mails you are responding to, you risk looking unappreciative and down right rude. Then, to add salt to the wound, because you assumed based on a quick overview instead of taking the context in it's entirety, you risk looking downright ignorant.

And, no, saying, "I may have not read your e-mail thoroughly but..." before you type your accusations, doesn't make your claims valid or right. You simply look as though you have no ability to pay attention to details -- not to mention lazy. What does it say about a person who whips off an accusatory e-mail but doesn't take the time to read the details about which they are complaining? Not much in my book.

It is every onliners job to read communications completely before responding to them. It is also each onliners responsibility to ensure they are responding appropriately. Before you make accusations, be sure that what you are responding to is in fact what the person said or provided. You need to take the time to think about if what you are typing is apropos and accurate to what was typed by the other side.

If you are in a hurry and don't have time to read previous e-mails before you reply to them in haste, then don't reply until you have the time to send an educated response. You'll save face and eat a lot less humble pie in the process!