Irresponsible Forwarders Exposed!

Are you an irresponsible forwarder?

• Do you add all your contacts to a forward without thinking if it will be of interest to each individual and whether they would really appreciate your forward or not?
• Do you reflect a lack of respect for your contact's privacy by exposing all your contact's e-mail addresses in the To: field thereby announcing their e-mail address to people they don't know?
• Do you forward with all the other forwards from other irresponsible forwarders and their comments and contact's still visible?
• Do you ignore requests from family, friends and associates to please not forward them silly e-mails or chain letters and continue to do so anyway?
• Do you get upset with anyone that dare ask they not be on your forward list?
• Do you just forward without vetting the message first to make sure it is true and legitimate at Snopes.com before perpetrating a possible hoax?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you're an irresponsible forwarder!

Is E-mail Etiquette a Choice?

To that I say a resounding "NO"! There are certain things in life one must embrace and skills one must acquire to participate in a socially acceptable manner. E-mail etiquette is one of those things. E-mail etiquette takes very little effort to learn about and apply, but still so many simply refuse to embrace the knowledge to do so which takes minimal effort to acquire. Why is that?

I get e-mailed daily by folks who are frustrated because friends, family and associates refuse to take e-mail etiquette seriously and continue on with their lack of courtesy by disregarding it's existence entirely. They will be perceived accordingly. You just cannot disregard established practices and courtesies and not expect to be perceived negatively.

To ignore e-mail etiquette because you don't want to "deal with it" or think it isn't necessary is a mistake you may learn to regret. Disregarding the importance of courtesy and established guidelines will cause you to be viewed as rude or uneducated and a "fish out of water" when online. And wouldn't that be a shame when with minimal effort and consideration it can be avoided?

E-mail etiquette has been in existence before most were even aware that e-mail existed let alone the World Wide Web. (Reference the first RFC on the subject from 10/1995.) Don't you think it to be a bit arrogant to think that one can disregard these established protocols and courtesies simply because they want to?

No one should negate making the effort to acquire the necessary skills and information to participate in technology responsibly with knowledge, understanding or courtesy. To think that e-mail etiquette is issue to be ignored or to disregard will simply reflect on the kind of person you choose to be.

No Opening Greeting or Courtesy Closing

Too many think that starting an e-mail with a nice greeting is trivial or unnecessary. Or to include their name and a closing statement is a waste of time. Those who think that way, then probably wouldn't mind if their e-mails come off as rude and bossy or even terse.

Let's compare based on an actual e-mail received by yours truly. First, the e-mailer who feels greetings, clarity and courtesy are not necessary:

my site isn't working

What exactly isn't working? No "Hello", proper sentence structure or courtesy involved -- just a statement of what the sender wants to get across.

Just add a little courtesy...

Hello, Judith: Hope you are having a nice day. I was wondering if you could check out an issue with my Web site, the problem is on page 3, paragraph 4. The page's URL is... (request continues). Thanks for your help!

Carry Client

The second example was courteous, clear in their request providing the necessary details and signed off in a manner that makes one feel as though their efforts are appreciated.

Can you now see how the very same request can be perceived completely differently simply by taking the time to add some common courtesy? Just taking the time to communicate clearly, succinctly and with courtesy will ensure you maintain and nurture the best virtual relationships possible.

Whether personally or professionally, if you don't feel these minor efforts are necessary in your day to day e-mail activities, you can bet most likely the other side literally cringes when they see your name in their in box.

TANSTAAFL

When I first went online over a decade ago, TANSTAAFL was the first acronym I ran into that I had no idea what it meant. Most know about the commonly used acronyms like LOL (Laugh Online or Laugh Out Loud) and FYI (For Your Information). There are a ton of acronyms in existence that are not used as much (or used only within groups of folks who know what they mean) so to use them arbitrarily wouldn't be a good idea.

When using acronyms you need to consider if the person other side will know what that acronym means. Otherwise what's the point? You also want to be very careful to not use acronyms in business communications or with those you don't know very well. Acronyms are a very informal mode of communicating and when used in the wrong venue could be viewed as lazy or unprofessional.

A good rule of thumb is to use acronyms sparingly while always keeping in mind the intended party and situation.

There is a listing of the most commonly used acronyms on my Web site for your convenience, including an acronym finder tool for those I don't have listed:

http://www.netmanners.com/email_acronyms.html

HTH! BTW, TANSTAAFL stands for "There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch". LOL! ;-)

How to Not be Taken Seriously

When it comes to your e-mails; perception is reality. Of course, proper e-mail etiquette is more important when it comes to e-mailing for commercial gain, however, it should be as important when communicating via e-mail with anyone, anywhere.

What do you think it says about you when you don't make the basic efforts to communicate with clarity? To take short cuts to not communicate properly with friends and family, who know you well and are probably more forgiving, can leave just as negative of a perception. Aren't they worth the effort?

It behooves you to put your best foot forward no matter who you are sending an e-mail to For example, when e-mailing Web sites for information or assistance, these issues can and will dictate even if you get an answer. Little things that don't take much effort but make the world of difference in regard to looking like someone who is educated and wants to be taken seriously simply by virtue of how they choose to communicate with the written word.

What type of perception do you think folks get about you when you don't capitalize your sentences? When you use poor grammar or incomplete sentence structure? Or your e-mails are filled with typos (in a day where everyone has at least one spell checker on their system)?

These little things can make all the difference in giving that positive impression! If you don't care how you are perceived, then, I guess that will be clear too.

You Are Bold When You Bold

No doubt about it if you bold text in e-mail you are being bold! Don't underestimate how bolding certain words or sentences can make an otherwise benign statement one with a point. To make the extra effort to bold only certain terms or phrases certainly makes a point of making a point.

Then, if you turn that bolded word to red text -- Yikes! Be sure that is the tone you want to relay. To say after the fact that you "didn't mean it that way" simply implies you are unable to stand behind your comments and what you did in fact mean to say when you composed that e-mail. Otherwise why did you take the extra time and effort to bold those specific words?

Bolding many times is used in emotional e-mails to make sure the other side is clear about how strongly the writer feels at that point in time. If you find you are bolding several portions of an e-mail because you do in fact want to make a point, why not wait until the next morning to see if you still feel as strongly?

Dr., Mr., Ms., Mrs., First Name, Last Name

What is the proper way to address someone by e-mail? It all depends on your relationship and how well you know the person.

If you don't know them very well, always use the highest level of formality Mr., Mrs., Ms., Dr., etc. Especially in business, you don't want to get too informal too soon. Formalities are in place for reason as they reflect courtesy and respect for the other side. You will be able to tell if the other side is ready for a more informal tone by how they sign off their e-mail. Follow their lead and you'll never go wrong!

Also, be sure to not assume how names are spelled. I have those who go informal on me who don't know me that well and address me as "Judy." For the most part, I'm "Judith" but with those I know very well and that I have an established relationship with, I will sign off my e-mails with a "Judi." If you knew me well enough to take the liberty of informalizing my name you would know that.

Try to also avoid the first name, last name trap. Some programs will insert names for you. When I get addressed as "Dear Judith Kallos", I know there is an automated process involved and the message is in no way truly personalized to me. Nobody addresses you like that with your first name and last name!

How you start your e-mails will set a tone and level of formality that can lead to positive relationship building. Don't make the mistake of misusing this opportunity.

Are You Perceived as Terse?

It is so easy to come off as blunt, terse or demanding if you do not take the extra little effort to make sure you are perceived as cordial. Especially when it comes your day-to-day business activities it is so very important to ensure that you present yourself as courteous and professional in your e-mail communications.

A simple greeting at the beginning of every e-mail will help you to accomplish this. Just add a Hello, (name) or Hi, (name) and your e-mail will be taken in a completely different light. If you think about it, you don't just pick up the phone and start talking without doing the same.

When you start an e-mail with a question or demand, without that greeting softening or framing your request, your e-mail can be perceived as bossy or demanding. Have a comment that states a point of view or opinion and without that oh-so-important greeting; you can come off as terse.

Every e-mail you send, whether it be personal or professional, should always begin with a proper greeting fitting of the tone you want to relay and formality that is required. By not making this extra effort, the negative impact of your requests or comments could cause those you communicate with to cringe when they see your name in their inbox.

And wouldn't that be a shame when you can avoid such a reaction by just including a nice greeting?

Take Time to Cool Off

Misunderstandings abound in e-mail. Many times simply due to one side not taking the time to ensure that their message and intent is clear, while the other side reads into the e-mail things that may not be there.

That is why it is always so important if you get an e-mail that upsets you to:

1. First, take the words at face value and don't assume anything. If you are not sure of intent or the tone relayed, ask for clarification before you spend the energy being upset and snapping back with an emotional response.


2. Then, take a deep breath. If you are sure the other side is purposefully trying to be upsetting or rude, wait until the next day, if at all, to reply. Many times rude and malicious e-mailers do not deserve a response. Just leave those who can only communicate by being nasty wallowing in their wait for a response from you that will never come. ;-)

A great majority of misunderstandings are because one side didn't realize how the words they chose and how they chose to write them (formatting, bolding, red text, caps, etc.) may be taken based on the relationship dynamics with the person on the other side of the screen.

One can send the very same e-mail to a bunch of folks and find it to be perceived differently because of the contrast in the type of relationships you have with each person and how well they know you.

The best rule of thumb is to take time to cool off. Typing out an emotional reply never solves anything. You may be surprised how you will have a different point of view when you review the e-mail the next day to determine even if it is worth a response.

Thank You, You're Welcome, Thank You, You're Welcome...

Do you thank someone for sending you a thank you e-mail? Then, do you e-mail back "you're welcome" too when they e-mail back that you are welcome? How much back and forth is required before safely assuming everyone has been thanked and welcomed enough? "You are welcome" is assumed and more a part of in-person conversations. If all you have to add to the conversation is an e-mail back with a "you're welcome" without any additional comments, that really isn't necessary.

There is a point in every communication where replying is not constructive or has no value other than to repeat the obvious. First of all, I am a big proponent of taking the time to say "Thank you!" If someone has replied to any e-mail or has done something nice for you online, (processed your order quickly, replied promptly to a customer service request, took the time to respond to your questions) then a quick thank you would be nice. The "you're welcome" part is discretionary based on the comments, relationship and situation.

I get thanked all the time by kind folks who ask for my advice. They send back a line or two thanking me for taking the time to help them. I don't respond with a "You're Welcome" unless their thank you included either additional questions or comments that I feel I can add to the conversation with by replying.

E-mail is very much about reflecting your personality in how you choose to communicate. Some folks are more chatty and friendly than others, while there are those that, unfortunately, are too curt and to the point and come off as terse or demanding. Boy, would a thank you soften their communications when apropos!

Whatever your style, it will reflect on what you will be like to communicate with. Personally, I appreciate those who take the time to say thank you and each one I receive makes me smile. Thank yous are a simple common courtesy that are worth taking the time needed to type those 9 little letters for the result provided.

A little thank you can go a long way towards building relationships and leaving a positive impression about the kind of person you are. If another onliner has helped you or has done something nice on your behalf... Thank them! It will be welcome! ;-)