What is Christmas?

"It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace."
~ Agnes M. Pharo

Wishing you all the very best of Holidays!

Flaming E-mails

Flaming is basically a very harsh message from one person to another via e-mail. You will get flamed if you participate on a mailing list or discussion board and break the rules or it is clear you didn't take the time to read them.

You'll get flamed when it appears that information that is available to you either in a manual or online that can be found with minimal effort is not read in lieu of asking others to spoon feed it to you because you didn't want to take the time to read it.

Flaming can also be someone just being nasty because they are having a bad day, misunderstood something you typed--or are just a plain jerk.

If you are flamed and you did break rules, or didn't take the time to review available resources, simply offer your humble apology and the "flamer" will probably understand. The last thing you want to do is flame back when you are in the wrong -- you won't like the response to that at all.

If you run into other terms you are not familiar with, for your convenience I do have all the most popular terms on my site in the Internet 101 area under Terms.

e-Stabbing @ Work

This seems to happen quite often in the workplace. Someone e-mails a coworker with a request. When the request is declined or denied it hits the fan.

The requester then sends a scathing, hostile, a sometimes accusatory personal attack while CC'ing a list of other coworkers they think will step in and force you to comply to their request - or to get you in trouble.

While these tactics may not work, this incivility may cause embarrassment and hurt feelings. So, how do you handle e-stabbing at work?

First off, anyone who would react in this manner (and apparently many do based on those who e-mail me through my E-mail Etiquette site NetManners.com) clearly reflects on the coworker's lack of professionalism.
In a case such as this you have no choice but to take the high-ground. Most likely it is the other person who will end up looking petty in the process. Never bring in a bunch of folks after a conversation is underway when you cannot deal with a difference of opinion.

The one thing here is to not stoop to their level by responding in kind. Leave them "out there" with these type of actions and let others come to their own conclusions about who behaved properly or not. Put it behind you and if it comes up, voice your opinion in a calm and unemotional manner.

When you CC: others midway in a conversation, you need to be very careful of your motives. Many times if it is purely for CYA or to boost one side of an argument count on it backfiring and you being the one who looks trivial.

How To Inform About E-mail Etiquette?

How do you politely inform your friends who do not practice proper E-mail Etiquette that they need to bone up on the subject?

That's a tough one... In my years of experience no matter how polite or "nice" you are in trying to explain the nuances of proper e-mail etiquette, many get defensive, have hurt feelings and some get downright mad!

I get e-mailed daily asking for a "nice way" to tell someone to not do this or that. What I then adivse is to find the appropriate area on my site or one of my E-mail Etiquette articles that covers the issues you are concerned about and when on that specific page, click on the little blue envelope at the top right of the page with SEND after it and you can send them a link to that page.

By using the above, or by just sending them directly to my free E-mail Etiquette 101 Tutorial download, you are sending them to a valuable resource so they can read and learn rather than making them feel as though you are correcting them.

When Apologies are Moot

Funny how some folks apologize while they are doing the very thing they are apologizing for. Is an e-mail apology sincere if you are doing something you know could be a problem to start with but you're doing it anyway -- with your apologies?

Not in my book. To me that just smacks of "I'm going to do it anyway regardless because that's what I want to do, but I'll apologize just in case someone gets upset." How limp-wristed is that!?

When it comes to proper technology use, there seems to be a wide array of opinions on what is proper, correct or just a matter of courtesy. Many times folks take the issues of E-mail Etiquette and proper technology use and assume they can disregard these topics.

What prompted this rant today was someone sending 150M of attachments while saying "I apologize if this fills up your inbox..."

They knew it would; did so anyway but apologized. So everything is O.K. right? Wrong! By acting in this matter this person actually told me they had no concern whatsoever about filling up my inbox and causing subsequent e-mail to bounce--because they did it anyway. Their apology was moot and insincere.

Just a word of advice if you do want apologies to be taken seriously. Don't apologize while you proceed to do what you are apologizing for. Courtesy never goes out of style and cannot be perceived as being there even if you apologize as you reflect no concern for the person on the other side. You'll look like the selfish person you are and your apology will fall on deaf ears.

There are guidelines and considerations online for a reason. My tag line of "Using technology effectively to communicate with knowledge, understanding and courtesy" stands for something. At least to me and the thousands of site visitors who let me know they feel the same way.

Apology not accepted.

E-Mailing Privately Off-List

There are certainly times where e-mailing privately is apropos. For example if a person's message doesn't pertain to the entire list, that the discussion should be taken off-list.

If you are a member of any discussion list, it is a given that you may be contacted off-list by other members who are aware of the nuances of group discussions. Especially is you post off-topic. The more experienced members will know to reply directly to you rather than clog the list with replies to off-topic e-mails.

To send communications off-list when a conversation goes off-topic is perfectly O.K. and is not spam if someone is replying directly to your post. If an issue or topic is exclusive to one member and not of interest to the group, the proper thing to do is to contact the person off-list so the list can remain on topic and of value to all members.

E-mail Recieved in Error

What if you receive an e-mail that you believe was not intended for you? Should you reply asking the sender if then meant to Cc: you in the e-mail? Would it make a difference if the e-mail was Cc:'d or sent directly to you?

If I received an e-mail by Cc: that didn't seem to apply, I would go back and kindly ask the Sender what they would wish for me to do based on their e-mail. This would give them the opportunity to either clarify or let me know I was Cc:'d in error.

They could have just made a mistake in clicking on your e-mail address, but it is always courteous to be sure if any action is expected from your side.

There is a difference if you are in the To: field. When you are included in the To: field this indicates the Sender is requesting your direct comment or reply. Cc: is more of an FYI keeping you informed. If you are Cc:' you only need Reply back if you have something relevant to contribute to the conversation.

The Power of E-mail

On November 26th I collaborated with the New York Times on an article about E-mail Etiquette and Sign-Offs.

Well, the article was picked up like crazy! From sites mentioning it to Blogs posting about it (thank you RSS) to radio stations now wanting to discuss the topic. That always seems to happen when I hit on a topic that has a ton interest with many wanting the straight scoop. A big "Thank You!" to Lola Ogunnaike at the New York Times for seeing the value in this topic and for writing such a good piece.

When you get exposure like this, the e-mails flood in. I always know when I get some decent exposure when checking my morning e-mail and I have 2-3 times the normal volume.

It is times like this that the wonder of technology overwhelms me.

Nice people e-mail thanking me for the information, others visit my site and send additional compliments my way. These folks have nothing to gain by doing so. They just felt the desire to send their kind words my way. And when that happens you can't help but think how wonderful technology really is. These are folks from all over the globe who I would have never met or had contact with and now I do.

The next time you are at a site you enjoy or you trip on an article where you learn a thing or two, why not e-mail the author a nice little note letting them know you appreciate their writings and efforts? You can bet you will make their day just as so many made mine these past two weeks.

Invasion of Privacy?

Is it an invasion of privacy to e-mail someone with out their permission by using their e-mail address cut from a forwarded e-mail sent to you from a mutual aquaintence?

Yes it is! The first faux pas here is that whomever sent that forwarded e-mail should have put all their contact's e-mail addresses in the Bcc: field rather than expose all those e-mail addresses to strangers. By doing so they were the first to invade the privacy of their contacts by publicly displaying their e-mail addresses.

It would depend on what you are e-mailing them about and what you mean by mutual acquaintance. If you met this person that is one thing. If you the only thing you have in common is that you both know the sender but not each other, it is not recommended. Understand the issue here is you have an e-mail address that was not provided to you by its owner and you need to govern yourself accordingly when thinking of using it.

If you are e-mailing about something you can commercially gain from you definitely should not e-mail this "acquaintance." If it is about something personal, then I would start the e-mail with an reminder greeting about how/when you met and a "hope you don't mind if I e-mail you..." type of statement.

That said, don't be surprised if they don't appreciate getting an e-mail from a stranger regardless of who you both know in common. I have an article on my site about the E-mail Etiquette involved in using the Bcc: field for your reading pleasure.