To Whom It May Concern

I get a several e-mails each day through my NetManners.com and TheIStudio.com sites addressed To Whom It May Concern. For the most part my sites are so me -- TheIStudio.com has my image on every single page. At both sites with a click or two you would know that Judith is the one behind the site and the person who you will be addressing when you e-mail with a question or inquiry.

When you e-mail a site, make the effort to look for who to contact by name. "To Whom it May Concern" tells me you are not concerned about who you are contacting. You just want the information you want or to get your pitch in front of anyone. That certainly doesn't make a positive impression.

Add to that the "Dear Sir" e-mails I get in my inbox and very quickly I can determine the serious inquiries from those who just want what they want from me (an answer, an opinion, advice, or for me to use their services). So, don't make that mistake. If you cannot find a name a simple "Hello" will be much more welcoming than a To Whom It May Concern reflecting you actually have no concern other than yourself.

What About Forwarding Jokes?

Who doesn't have friends who occasionally send you e-mails with jokes in them? For the most part you don't entirely mind the jokes, but what does become a PIA is when they have been forwarded as attachments by several different people which you then have to wade through to get to the funny. Is this considered bad Netiquette?

Yepper! Just forwarding any e-mail without comment or down-editing your e-mail (removing all the other stuff besides the joke) is plain 'ole lazy. This goes for e-mails that are not humorous in nature as well. Down-editing your e-mail replies and forwards is about courtesy. If one wants to share e-mail with friends, removing unnecessary portions of the e-mail reflects consideration. This includes ensuring everyone's e-mail address is in the BCC field so it is not visible to folks they may not know.

Now, just because someone sent you an e-mail with other's e-mail addresses visible doesn't mean you just click forward and continue to expose those addresses. Even if you don't know those folks, chances are they do not want their email address broadcasted further. Would you? Do them a favor, even if their "friends" neglected to, and remove any visible e-mail addresses before you forward the joke on to those you know.

Good email habits reflect courtesy for those you are e-mailing and make communicating with you a pleasure. And that's a good thing! ;-)

Let's Talk About Discretion

Discretion:

1. Freedom to act or judge on one's own
2. Knowing how to avoid embarrassment or distress
3. Refined taste; tact
4. The power of making free choices unconstrained by external agencies
5. The trait of judging wisely and objectively

O.K., so based on the above, one can easily surmise how much discretion comes into play when it comes to your e-mail activities. Just a few examples off the top of my head of not using discretion properly:

• Forwarding a private e-mail sent to you by someone who trusts you to others without the sender's knowledge.
• Forwarding "warm and fuzzy" e-mails that state to "Send to Everyone You Know" with their e-mail addresses all exposed in the To: field.
• Sending attachments without the courtesy of asking first.
• Using company e-mail lists to ask who stole your lunch out of the break room.
• Using company e-mail to visit personal sites and send non-business related e-mails.

I can go on and on. Today, I received several e-mails through NetManners.com asking for my advice and assistance in matters that are purely up to the discretion of others. If there is one thing I've learned over the past decade it is you cannot control other's behavior. Nor can you control whether they have or will use their discretion in their online activities.

When it comes to discretion, I do belive that those who fail to use their discretionary powers, are viewed as doing just that. Folks who don't think before they do, by using discretion, more times than not are perceived as lacking tech or business savvy, courtesy and in some cases education.

Let other's discretion or lack there of speak for themselves. The only one you can control is you!

Courtesy and Politeness

Much of what I type and write about in regard to E-mail Etiquette really boils down to being polite and reflecting courtesy for others. The formal definition of etiquette is "rules governing socially acceptable behavior."

Being we live in an "all about me" culture, that train of thought is foreign to many. They just want to do what they want to do without regard or having to think about anyone else. A healthy portion not even caring how their lack of e-mail etiquette will reflecting negatively on how they may be perceived.

Today, I would like to share with you one of my favorite quotes on the topic of politeness:

POLITENESS USUALLY BEGINS AT
HOME OR IT DOESN'T BEGIN AT ALL.

Politeness to others is usually born out of respect for the individual, which you learn as a child. When you are treated with respect by other members of the family, you learn to respect them as well. The self-esteem that results from being recognized as a unique person by the people who matter most to you helps you develop the confidence necessary to succeed later in life. Politeness and consideration for others are habits that-once developed-usually stay with you for a lifetime. While common courtesy may seem relatively insignificant in the grand scheme of things, it is a reflection of more basic values. More important, if you develop the habit of respecting others, you are likely to command respect from them. ~ Napoleon Hill

Courtesy and politeness should apply to all aspects of life. And that goes for your e-mail activities as well.

Take 5, Then Click Contact

I have over 10 of my very own Web sites. As with www.NetManners.com and my consulting site www.TheIStudio.com when an e-mail request comes in, I review and respond promptly.

One thing I noticed as of late is the increasing amount of e-mailers that either do not read what is on my site or in my previous e-mail. Heck, I am always here to answer questions, concerns or provide additional details about any of my products or services. If you don't have service online, you really don't have much at all and I pride myself on offering prompt and concise replies to any inquiry that comes in. Until now....

I can understand folks frustration at not being able to find the answers they seek. Many sites are poorly designed, do not have any coherent navigation and really do not consider their site visitors when the site is developed in the first place. This leads to visitors not being able to find basic information to the common questions that pretty much any site visitor might look for.

I can understand that--but not when you are at any of my sites. See, I make it a mission to track customer inquiries and questions and over the years can honestly say that for every e-mail question that I get its answer can be found on my site(s) with literally only a click or two of effort.

I see this pattern happening with clients, customers and every day Netizens. You provide the information either on your site, or in an eZine, or in a library of articles and onliners do not want to take the time to review those resources for the information they seek. It's easier to just click on a contact or e-mail link and blurt out their questions--even when the answers are easily found.

Is it because there are so many bad sites that onliners have given up looking? I don't think so. Is it because they don't know how to recognize a good site with clear navigation that provides the information for them--if they want to take the time to read it? I don't think that's it either. I genuinely believe they don't want to make the effort as minor as it may be. L.A.Z.Y.

Here again, this all boils down to a lack of consideration for the person on the other side of the screen.

"I want it now!"
"I want it delivered to my inbox now!"
"My time is more important than yours so I am not going to make any effort to find and read the info I seek! I'll e-mail and you'll provide the answers directly back to me!"

Hmmm... Who would have thought even a short decade ago that the wealth of information currently online would be moments or clicks away on whatever topic whenever you desire? Now, unfortunately, it seems that isn't even good enough for some.

Everyone needs to slow down. Take your time when reviewing a site. Make the effort to see if they have the information you seek. Read e-mail replies carefully. Read eZines provided by those who have the information you seek. Don't expect those folks to send personalized answers to you because you don't want to take the time to review their site or the materials previously sent to you. That's just common courtesy!

So take just take 5 minutes to find the info you seek before you click that e-mail link or contact button. Don't just click because you do not want to take the time to review the information provided. If you do it will speak volumes about what you may be like to communicate or do business with. How would you like to communicate or do business with someone who would ignore all the information you provide because they don't want to take the time to read it but want you to take the time to repeat it?

Then, if you do not find what you seek after making an honest effort, do e-mail with courtesy and proper e-mail etiquette about what you seek. No doubt, if the site owner is like me, they'll be pleased to hear from you and add the information you are looking for to their site for other visitors--or they'll just point you back to the information they provided in the first place.

No Time Like the Present

Responding promptly to your e-mails is simply the courteous thing to do. We are all busy and pressed for time making it necessary to prioritize our time. There is no excuse (except that you may be selfish or rude) to completely ignore your e-mail responsibilities.

For business, if you get a request, responding promptly will reflect on your professionalism and commitment to service. I had an issue today where I had to send a third request on an open issue to only be told that my contact had e-mailed someone else and was still waiting for a response. I had to send three requests to find out my contact was worth no more than passing the buck?

Two lessons to be learned here. Always respond within 24 hours to all incoming requests. If you don't have an answer yet, say so and advise when one can expect your response. Otherwise it appears you don't care and are not to be relied upon. In business, that can be the kiss of death.

When it comes to personal e-mail, to not respond implies you are ignoring the other party. Maybe you are, but in most cases it would be best to pop off an e-mail and apologize for the delay in responding and explain that you are busy and to not take your lack of response personally.

Communicating your situation can many times head off poor perceptions and misunderstandings. Why not take advantage of the expediency e-mail offers you to do just that?

Forwarding and Hurt Feelings

Every single day I get e-mails from concerned Netizens all worried about how to nicely ask a "friend" to quit forwarding chain letters, hoaxes and jokes to them. Many of these "friends" take the liberty of sending these silly e-mails to their contact's business e-mail addresses!

What happens when asked to please not forward those type of e-mail -- especially to a business address? Hurt feelings. What is there to get "hurt" about? All you did was click a name and add it to the list of others you sent to. There is nothing overly personal, time consuming or thoughtful about these actions to take it personally when someone simply asks for you to refrain from doing so in the future.

There is a correct way to forward e-mails. If everyone followed these guidelines, there wouldn't be any hurt feelings because there wouldn't be this mass mailing of thoughtless dribble being forward to everyone who happens to be in another's address book.

You should not have presumed your contacts wanted those e-mail in the first place. What were you thinking sending junk to their business address? If asked to stop forwarding these type of e-mails, humbly apologize, honor their request and don't get hurt.

Certainly a simple request like this is shouldn't destroy friendships right? If it does, well maybe there wasn't much of a friendship there in the first place.

5 Rules for Forwarding E-mails

Always Read the TOS

TOS stands for Terms of Service. Sometimes they are mile long pages with teeny-weenie type filled with legal mumbo jumbo. Most of us don't read those, even though we probably should make the effort to ensure there is nothing in there that will hit us in the back of the head sometime in the future.

That said, you need to read them so you can play by the rules. In particular, the TOSes that you should read are those at Search Engines, Directories and Web sites that offer functionality and services for your use. By not doing so you look lazy or at best arrogant that your time is too valuable to take the time to read the rules of participation.

I run a regional directory that has a very, very basic TOS. No one reads it. One requirement is that you have your address clearly noted on your site. How else would I know where you are located to know if you fit in my regional directory? It is astounding that 3 out of 5 submissions don't have their address; a basic Web design staple, anywhere on their site! I do have areas for sites outside the regional area that my directory covers but do those sites outside the area submit there. Nope.

All day long submissions come in that don't meet my TOS requesting to be listed in categories that are not the most appropriate as also noted in the TOS. What do you think is says about you when you want to utilize and take advantage of a site's free services but you won't take the time to read the rules so that you can do so with courtesy and understanding? Tells me you don't get in my directory!

If you run across a site whose services you would like to use, take a few moments and show the site owner the appropriate respect and read their Terms of Service to be sure their service is even one you can or will be authorized to utilize. Then e-mail your submission. It's just the right thing to do.

What Does Your E-mail Address Say About You?

Your e-mail address is many times the first impression anyone will have about you as that is the first thing they see in their inbox.

When it comes to business, you want to use your domain name as your e-mail address. Example: john@widgets.com. Not johnswidgets@aol.com (shows your are technochallenged and have yet to make the jump to use technology seriously). Hotmail, Yahoo and MSN addresses all give a less than stellar impression of how seriously you take your business and your use of technology.

For business, there is no reason to not be using your dot com as your e-mail address. A decent server and a few changes to your e-mail software settings is all it takes and you're there!

Personally, e-mail addresses still speak volumes about the kind of person you are. What impressions do you get from these addresses?

leatherhurts@
dicksbig1@
easyandfun@
dirtydamez@
onlywhites@
tink_eeyore_bambi@
luvsboyz@
nastyone@
youwantit@

Yikes! And some of those were from minors who e-mailed me the questions from their homework instead of reviewing my site as they should. I bet you even have a few friends who made you wonder what were they thinking when they chose their e-mail addresses.

It's always best to stick with your name or known nickname that leaves a positive and welcoming impression. Even using references to your favorite things or hobbies in your e-mail are fine as long as they are not suggestive, offensive or negative in nature.

What does your e-mail address say about you?

What is a Whitelist?

With all the spam and junk mail making its way into our inboxes, ISPs and software companies have come up with lists of criteria, formats and addresses commonly used by spammers that are automatically blocked.

Your "whitelist" is the list of e-mail contacts you want to receive e-mail from. Your whitelist can also be known as your approved senders list. Many times your whitelist is in the background that gets added to when you simply add folks to your address book. By adding addresses to your whitelist, approved senders list or address book, you are clearing the way for those addresses to not get blocked.

That is why it is so important when you sign up for a mailing list, newsletter or contact a site that you add their e-mail address to your whitelist, approved senders or address book. Because if you don't take this proactive action, you risk not receiving the response you are seeking.

Just so happen to have an article on the subject for your reading pleasure: E-mail Whitelist Etiquette. Enjoy!

What's in a Name?

Your name is what identifies you; it's who you are. How you type your name can speak about who you are as well.

From configuring your e-mail program, to filling out Web inquiry forms or making online purchases, always formally capitalize your name.

John Doe - not john doe, not JOHN DOE. John Doe.

When it comes to your name and you don't take the time to hit the shift key, there are two perceptions that can be made. Lazy or uneducated. More times than not it is the former rather than the later, however, being perceived as lazy is just not a good thing.

Folks who do not formally type their names when e-mailing me E-mail Etiquette questions will most certainly get the recommendation to do so pointing them to my Netiquette 101. I figure if they don't know the basic premise of capitalizing their name; they need to be exposed to all the other issues that contribute to how they are perceived online.

What is the main excuse I am given for not capitalizing their name? "It's just habit." A habit to look lazy? A habit be appear uneducated?

Time to break the habit!

Ask Before Attaching

Did you know that if you send an overly large attachment or too many attachments to one person you can fill their inbox up and cause all subsequent e-mail to bounce? Yikes!! That won't make you a very popular person if you do that!

Before ever sending attachments that you think are cool or neat or the latest family photos, ask first when would be the best time to send them. This gives the other side the opportunity to be there waiting for your attachments so that they can keep their inbox clear.

When it comes to business, never send unannounced attachments outside of business hours just because that is more convenient for you. Only send during business hours and ask first.

The last thing you want to do is shutdown someone's e-mail box because you were only interested in what you wanted to do at the moment. You simply do not know the other side's e-mail activity or inbox capacity to assume. Who knows what important e-mails or opportunities will be lost because their e-mail is bouncing.

Always ask first before sending attachments and you will offer a level of courtesy rarely found online. Now, wouldn't that be nice? ;-)

When You're CC'd

When you find that you've been CC'd on an e-mail a response is not required. You are simply being FYI'd.

I've seen many an onliner feel the need to reply when they are not adding anything valuable to the conversation or they make comments that are not appropriate or of interest to the others who were also CC'd.

Discretion means basically "the ability or power to decide responsibly." That applies to everything e-mail. Deciding responsibly what actions to take.

When you are CC'd, respond only if you have commentary that you know is necessary to the ongoing conversation or topic. Also, be sure to look at who else may be in the To: and CC: field to see if your comments are something they would need to see or if they are only for the sender. If not, trim them out.

These little considerations go a long way to being viewed as a thoughtful and considerate e-mailer.